Marriage after the honeymoon…

After two years of marriage I’m finally starting to understand what it truly means to be married and have a healthy marriage. To love someone wholeheartedly that is so humanly imperfect. To stand with them through all the trials and tribulations of life and be there without judgement. To love like Christ loved us so patiently and kind. To love them even when they don’t love themselves. Always encouraging them to be their complete authentic selves. To leave pride to the side for the greater good of the relationship. To always continue growing and improving yourself both personally and together . To love EVEN when you don’t like each other . Because bad times don’t last forever. To communicate always. To laugh and enjoy each moment in life because through the ups and downs you have each other . Two people learning daily to become one. To making the small things the best things. To not taking jabs even when u can because when they’re hurt you’re hurt too. To always making time for date nights no matter how long you’ve been married. Always remembering to make each other feel special way after the honeymoon phase is over. To always seek God for advice about each other and not some other person. To keep yourself up not only for yourself but for them too. Always elevating. Learning how to agree to disagree. Always putting love first.

Sounds easy right?

Well it’s not! Marriage takes work and constant practice. If you practice being a good spouse eventually it will become second nature. Sometimes you will feel like you’re doing it all wrong but guess what if it works for your relationship then your doing it right. No two relationships are the same. Rule number one don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Rule number two don’t put fairy tale expectations on your relationship because as soon as it doesn’t live up to that impossible fairy tale image you’re going to be disappointed. This is real life and in real life things happen and you have to learn how to get through it together as a team. Especially in this abort ship generation. I call it the abort ship generation because as soon as the ship(relationship) hits a rock (that rock can be bad finances, or huge disagreement) people are so ready to jump off the ship and go their separate ways. I must be honest that was me in the beginning of my marriage but then I searched and learned what a vow in front God really meant. Both partners have to be willing to put the other before thy self. Love is selfless. Love is kind and encouraging words. Love pushes you to greatness not letting you settle because it’s easy. Love and marriage is a journey worth taking.

Trust me I’m no expert. I’m just a woman trying to find her way as a wife and mother. Tips I would give those who are wives and mothers find a hobby outside of your husband and children. You need time to yourself. You need to rejuvenate yourself from taking care of so many people throughout each week. Women tend to put themselves last but you can’t run without fuel. You must take care of yourself first. That includes some self love and self care (whatever that may be for you). I enjoy thrifting alone, getting a mani pedi, meditating, journaling, take long showers and bubble baths, and when I get a break from nursing school I enjoy reading a good book. You see I didn’t always have this theory. I use to run myself dry so quick because I never took time for myself. My husband and I then realized I’m a much better mother and wife when I’ve had some time to recover and rejuvenate. I know you’re probably thinking how do you find time for yourself when you work, have errands to run daily, dinner to cook, house to clean, kids needing baths or go to school full time. Where here is the key let your husband help you!!! Give him a task or two. Teamwork makes the dream work!!! Allow him to watch the kids while you take some time for yourself. If he is at work and you’re in desperate need of some me time. Here is an idea put the kids to bed early!!! Yeah it might take them awhile to fall asleep but at least they’re in bed. Sometimes a quiet house is all you need. Call your mom or mother in law to watch them. If you have a group of friends who have children designate a day that each friend watches the children while the other moms get out. Take turns on the weekend doing this. It is crucial for your marriage to take this time alone and rejuvenate. This cuts down on all the snappy attitude that us women tend to have when we don’t get a break. Rest your super hero cape from time to time and I guarantee you that when it’s time to put it back on you’re going to be better than before.
Trying to keep it Jazzy all while being a mom, I’m out yall until next time ✌🏾

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The Blackout 

I opened my eyes and I was surrounded by loved ones and nurses. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I completely panicked. My nurse quickly calmed me down. She told me I could not speak because of the breathing tube down my throat. I started coughing to see if it would come out but it didn’t budge. She gave me a piece of paper and a pen to write down whatever I wanted to say. The first thing that I wrote was “where were my babies?” Someone responded by saying that they had been taken to the NICU. I then asked who was with them. My mom told me that no one had seen them yet and no one wanted to leave my side. A sudden fear swept over me for my babies ,because I didn’t want them to be alone. They needed me and I couldn’t be there. I was in and out of consciousness, but right before I went out again I asked for someone to go be with them. 
When I came to consciousness again I was alone (from 7-8 icu patients couldn’t have any visitors). By this time the breathing tube was out. I was so scared and I was trying to put everything into perspective. I touched my belly but it was empty. What once carried twin boys was now just flab. No more kicks and movement lived inside of me. I would have gave anything to have carried them one more second, one more hour, just one more day. 
Fast forwarding to day 2:

The next day I was well enough to move out the icu, which is unheard of, BUT GOD! My husband had shown me pictures of the boys by this time but I hadn’t seen them in person just yet. All of the pictures I had seen of them frightened me. I wanted to see them but I was scared of their appearance. I felt horrible , how could a mother possibly be scared of her children? It was a little after 9pm when my nurse told me that I could finally go see my boys. It was time to rip the bandage off and face my fears. My sister and husband rolled me in a wheelchair to Childrens Hospital. The walk was quiet and I know that they could sense my fear. I was on the edge too, sorry baby and Teri for being an A-hole! LOL. When I arrived to the NICU, I signed in at the visitors desk. Nothing could prepare me for what awaited me. I heard beeps and rings going off from the machines and I saw several incubators on my journey to meet my children face to face. Finally, I walked up to baby A & B. They were they smallest babies I had ever seen in my entire life! My wedding ring could literally fit around their thigh. Can you imagine what a one pound 9 ounce and one pound 11 ounce baby looks like? They were red without any skin at all. Since their skin was not developed yet I could only touch their tiny hand with my index finger. Their eyes were covered with what looked like a blind fold and their incubators were covered with a bright blue light. They had a breathing tube and an IV were their umbilical cord once was connected. At that moment I was no longer scared. I loved them whole heartedly; they were simply perfect.  

   
My husband and I were told that they had a less than a three percent chance of living past three days and a zero percent chance of surviving longer than that. We celebrated each day that we had with them and once we made it to a week we had a party!!! With knowing that this would be a very long journey we were extremely thankful that they had a chance to fight for survival, and they fought hard. It would be a month before we could actually hold one of them and even longer to hold the other, and SEVERAL months before we cold hear them cry– but those are stories for another day

The First day of a new Life

Have you ever been through something so traumatic that you didn’t ever see yourself getting through it or even over it? Well I have learned that time can heal all wounds. You just never know how much time you may need.

       June 1, 2013 I was 24 weeks pregnant with twins. I was huge and those little darling boys were sitting right on my bladder. I urinated on myself quite frequently (but shhhh let’s keep that between us). June 1st at 5:00 am I thought I was doing just that. I went to the bathroom sat on the toilet, I looked up and noticed that had left a large trail of blood behind me. I knew at that moment my life would be changed forever. I screamed for my mom. I was certain that I was having a miscarriage especially after I passed a very large blood clot. My worst nightmare seemed to be becoming my reality. I was rushed to the hospital. What happened next happened so fast. It was as quick as a blink of an eye.

The doctors checked for both baby heartbeats. When they heard both it was such an relief that I wasn’t having a miscarriage. I could finally breathe until they told my husband and I that they had to deliver the twins at just 24 weeks!!! I had never heard of babies being born that early until then. Thus far that had to be the most frightening moment of my life. I signed consents for the babies and I to be treated. The ink wasn’t even dry before I was rushed into surgery. I remember wanting my mother by my side. I wanted her to make it all better again but unfortunately she couldn’t. I really had to go through this. I was in the operating room surrounded by atleast 15-20 doctors and very bright lights. I was about to have an emergency c-section. I just knew I was going to die! They put a gas mask over my face but not before I got a chance to say a quick prayer. At 7:05 June 1st 2013 I was the mother of twin boys. Right after their delivery they rushed my sweet baby boys to the nicu. My mother, husband, and younger sister waited for me to come out surgery but it was a long wait after the doctors had already delivered the twins. I had a complete placenta abruption and they couldn’t stop my bleeding. I went through 6 units of blood before my blood began to clot. After my bleeding stopped I was sent to the icu. This was the beginning of a struggle I would have never even imagined in my worst nightmare.

To be continued ……

#earlybirth #24weekers #placentaabruption #survivor #premeeies